5.02.2018

Darkness, My Old Friend

I know I've ranted about this before, but it seems like the sickening endemic is still rampantly online, (and offline as well!) here in 2018 and it's maybe even worse than before...so I am going to share my thoughts.

Humans find negativity unattractive.  They see it as a disease.  Part of that is biological and it certainly has its place.  My rant of disgust is not about the obvious and natural aversion to anything bad: pain, drama, unhappiness--but our deeper, and more over-the-top reactions to every little negative droplet that comes into the happy bubble.

I bear the burden of being someone who is openly and unabashedly cautious, negative, cynical, and talks about unhappiness as if it were any other mood we brag about being: thrilled, tired, optimistic.  I feel negative emotion more often than not, and I don't mind talking about it.  I allow myself to feel it and I don't add a disclaimer, like "...but even though things are rough I'm looking on the bright side!" Goddammit, sometimes there IS no bright side.  Sometimes things suck, wholeheartedly, and there is nothing good about it, but you're branded a pariah in today's world if you dare say aloud that hope is foolish.  THANKS OBAMA

It's like dieting and the apologies people make for their current body.  "I am not happy with my weight but I'm working on it!" Like dude, just let the statement stand on its own.  I am not happy with my body.  Just focus on that.  Segment it.  The constant need to drag a safety net around is exhausting.  And I don't even do it, I just deal with it.  "Finances are tight but we're hoping for a turnaround this quarter!"  "I will push through this bout of depression and feel like myself again."


Just allow the misery, people.  It's going to be there whether or not you try to fool yourselves into thinking that a tag on the end about everything turning around is going to change it.  It's not.  If tomorrow really is going to be a better day, it's going to be a better day whether you say that or not.  I could get deep here and talk about how the point of pain is to notify us that we are in danger in some way, and sticking your foot in a fire and laughing about how great things are going to be once your foot is out of the fire is idiotic...get my point?

I wanted to actually talk about how sadness isn't the enemy, though.  It feels like it is, because duh, who wants to be sad? or mad, or whatever.  I'm going to go meta and remind the world that there are positive things to be found in sadness.  Not in overcoming sadness or beating negativity, but in the actual bad shit itself.  It makes us stronger.  It makes us kinder, hopefully.  (Unless you're just a shitty person to begin with) It makes us think about situations differently, problem solve better.  It aids us in more quickly identifying people and places that bring us down, if we allow it to. 

Some of the most beautiful art and music--arguably our only positive legacy on earth--comes from places of deep despair, broken people who couldn't function in society but stirred emotion by making sound or vision.  That's incredible to me.  In fact, I would argue that you can't have great creations without a great range of emotion from the creators.  Nobody with a 24-7 sunny disposition exists, and if they did a) nobody would like them and b) they damn sure couldn't create Swans Reflecting Elephants, or the Overture of 1812.


I mentioned before that it's human nature to avoid negativity and anything that makes us feel discomfort.  It is also our destiny as meatbags full of bacteria that we will feel discomfort no matter what.  Be a realist.  Get used to it.  That's what I do.  I suck it the fuck up and when I see the storm of depression or suicidal thoughts coming over the horizon, I accept that it's going to happen.  I'm not going to enjoy it.  I'm not going to prefer it over the good days.  I'm not even sure if I'm going to survive.  But I wasn't sure if I was going to survive anyway, so that's irrelevant.  I will take it for what it is, whatever negativity it may be.  It's a part of me.

And I will not be ashamed of that part of me, or try to hide it, or cover it up with a sandwich of compliments.  There's a lot beautiful about life and it's not always positive.  I'm okay being the antagonist, or the devil's advocate on this issue.  But I say, the whole movement is exhausting, fake, obnoxious, annoying, short-sighted, ignorant, and unnecessary.  Embrace the sadness!  It is a part of us all.  

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