7.01.2017

Pregnancy Questions (So Far)

Gross, I'm THAT person, who is pregnant and won't shut up about it.

Actually, I don't talk about it very much but since it's so....well, affecting everything in the world...I just haven't been talking at all.  I do have some boring deep thoughts to unleash on the blog (not pregnancy related, by the by) but I figured I would vomit out all the pregnancy questions first in case anyone cares, and so that I'm not rehashing them later.

See, I'll make you take your meds, but I'll give you a popsicle.  Your welcome.

I got this great list from Wild Little Flowers by the way--thanks girl!


How did you find out you were pregnant?  Honestly I had no symptoms (that I correlated with pregnancy) other than being viciously tired.  I more or less had an intuition. And chose to chalk it up to being overdramatic and stressed and finally broke down and got a test.  And then three more tests, haha.

What was your immediate reaction? Excitement.  Then terror.  Then excitement.  Terror.  Repeat 7 months, here we are.

How did you share your good news with others?  I told a select few people at first.  Stefanie and Amanda got first dibs via Facebook, as well as Mike, Abbi, and Amber. The first person I told in person was of course Derik.  Soon after I told Niki.  Then I blurted it to Allyn like two weeks before I intended to because I couldn't help myself.  We told Krystal and Seth soon after that--like a day after he knew!  He really wanted to share, and so did his older sister who blabbed it dramatically in front of his parents and ruined the surprise.  V rude Emily.  I still made a cute announcement because I'm tacky and sentimental.


Write a letter to baby.  He can't read!  Fine.

Dear Zordon, please stop making those weird scrapey sensations against my womb, and also please stop ceasing kicking when your dad is trying to feel kicks.  I hope you're nice and hairy in there what with all this heartburn I'm getting.  Your older brother Flemith is now on anxiety medication in anticipation of your arrival.  See you in a few months! Love, Mom

What have you been doing to prepare for baby's arrival?  Having internal panic attacks.  Readjusting finances and contemplating life.  Looking so forward to it minus the whole hospital/birth/healing thing.  But mostly, panic attacks.

Write out a complete do-before-baby list.  Do you want me to have another panic attack? Pass.

How do your other children (if you have them) feel about baby right now?  Well, Flemith just got put on Prozac so there's that.

What is your relationship with food like at the moment?  Unhealthy and annoying.

How does your body feel? Like an egg. My pelvis feels like three pelvises.  Middle pelvis, and left and right pelvis that creak and groan against each other when I walk.  My muscles are tight and they cramp. My shoulders and neck are just as weak and overstressed as ever.  My face is huge and my cheekbones are gone.  My gums are bleeding.  Anybody who says I'm glowing is a liar, it's just sweat.

How did the ultrasound go?  I have had many ultrasounds so far.  All of them varying in experiences.  A few were miscarriage scares, complete with catheter and my unmitigated hate for that....hearing his heartbeat--oh! I was so excited.  It's the best sound.  I love hearing it.  I also loved seeing him at 11 weeks (post miscarriage-scare) because he was so small and literally was turning somersaults.  I'll never forget that, being the first sight of my little boy.

Boy or girl? How do you feel about it?  Boy and I'm relieved.  I don't even know why.  I'd love a girl too.  I just really always wanted a boy.


What names are you considering? How is the naming process going?  We do not discuss this!  This is a mom and dad topic.  We have three or four options and are planning to just name him at birth if we can't pick.

Write a prayer for baby.  No.

What sort of parent do you hope to be?  The kind who is scary enough to be a parent, but open enough to talk to.  Where if you do something stupid you know your mom is going to find out and you better be the one to tell her, and she will help you no matter what, but you'd still rather go to the dentist and pull your teeth out than tell her the dumb shit you did.  The kind of mom that other kids say "aw your mom is so cool!" and my kid will go "IF YOU JUST LIVED WITH HER, SHE'S INSANE."  The kind of mom who lets their kid paint and draw and make a mess and gives lots of hugs and praise but is also kind of a benevolent dictator tyrant who gives no quarter.  I can't in good conscience shield my child from the road, but I can give him the tools he needs to walk it.  Also I read somewhere that kids learn more by what you are than what you teach, so I just have to be a good Alex, whatever that means.

Write about baby's father.  He's extraordinary.  He's beautiful and kind and hard-working and honest.  He's so gifted, intellectual, creative, he's so special to me.  He is the biggest piece of my soul walking around on earth.

What gifts and advice have you been receiving?  "Everything will work itself out."  Asinine shit like that.  I get really weird about pregnancy advice, in fact I get really weird about pregnancy.  I want it to be a private thing, but it's so hilariously not private.  So I just grind my teeth against the advice and reassurance and think about something nice, like Flemith cuddles.

What are your hopes and plans for delivery?  To not freak out when the doctors touch me.  That's about as far as I've gotten.  There will be Rammstein in the DVD player.  And I'll probably be sneaking food.  But definite Rammstein.  There are wall speakers, you guys.



What are the top five things you want to teach your child?  Self-reliance.  Loyalty.  Courage.  Productivity.  Empathy.

What are your plans for baby's baptism? Who will be his/her godparents? Hell no to all of that.  I will continue the path of being an unwashed heathen for my own womb fruit thanks.  I don't even know what a godparent is, but it'll be Derik and Niki.

What parenting books have you read/do you want to read? Like a million I've checked out of the library.  They're slightly more comforting than the articles, which quickly spiral down into "you have gout, diabetes, cancer and borderline personality disorder" territory.

3 comments :

  1. Huh ... I leave blogland for a long while, and this is what happens. ; ) Congratulations - so excited for you!

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  2. Add to all of this how awesome you are and how strong you are through all of the rough and unpleasant parts of this whole pregnancy as well. You are going to be a great Mom. I love you sweetheart.

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  3. I find it kind of ironic that you say "do not discuss" the baby's name and it's a "mom and dad topic" when you're on reddit asking strangers whether you should name your child Ender Atticus or Ender Leon...

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