I am so sorry for the erratic posting schedule and topics, friends. Actually, that's one of the things I'm going to talk about today!
A word on blogging
Blogging sure has changed. I'm sure everyone you know has written a post about it lately. I haven't weighed in on it, but I sure have been thinking about it a lot. There isn't really a place for bloggers anymore. It's all about the 'gram, or the Facebook, those fucking algorithms, or the web store, or the links within the blog and how many clicks they make. I didn't care for the sponsored Modcloth cringe even back when twee was the big thing, and it's kind of not a big thing anymore and I like it even less. Nice dress and matching socks...next? I put out nothing sponsored, nothing paid...and I feel like it's pointless sometimes. I don't know what to do anymore.
I just want to hear about people's lives. I want to see pictures of the crap they've been up to, even if it's binge watching Bates Motel (which everyone should do.) I want the kind of conversation you get when you go out to coffee with good friends--some catching up, some deep thoughts, some mindlessly eyeballing the hot male barista. I keep wanting to really GET INTO BLOGGING! but it's really hard. So many quiet, personal blogs just slip off the face of the earth, while these sponsored content machines and lists of 10 and clickbait titles dominate every dashboard. Am I alone in this? Buhler?
Actual Life Lately
The second part of my ponderings comes from me rearranging half my house just to put the computer next to my room in hopes I'll use it more. In one phase of life I was glued to the computer and did all kinds of neat things. Web and graphic design and blog posts and fiction writing, and other writing, and moderated websites and was a member of forums...it seems like lately I can't find time to tie my shoes, much less do any of that stuff. I am spending more time with others, as well as more time outside, but it kind of bothers me that I'm not creating the way I did before. If I had a drive to get back into writing or blogging, it would anchor me to that (very important!) part of me...but I don't have the drive. And I keep telling myself that it's worth it...spending time with friends is important. Gardening and cleaning is important. Therapy appointments, physical therapy, important. Being in the lives of those around me, important. I'm more stable now than I ever have been..stable, grounded, and turning into a boring piece of shit.
So what have I actually been up to? The above. Dinners, outings. Symphony. Pink Floyd laser show. Drives through the mountain (until we reach the 'hey idiot it's winter, go home' signs...) Cleaning my house. Working. Stressing about money. Does it ever change? I feel like I'm in a rut, even though the time I spend is, to me, well spent. The problem is I don't know what to do to get out of it, because I'm doing everything I should. I am taking care of my body and mind (see, the weekly therapy) and I am working at a great place where I feel needed and respected, and the people in my life are of the highest caliber and the time we spend together is wonderful. So, what is my issue? Why do I feel like a zombie anyway? How do I shake myself out of this....when I have no reason or cause for it and don't even know what it is?
I used to play a TON of video games and just fell out of the habit, same with writing and my other computer work (and to an extent, painting.) I still love games, but just felt I didn't have the "time." Today, Sunday, I started a new game on the fresh shiny remastered (WITH MODS!) Skyrim for XBONE. And wow, what a wonderful feeling, to be back in beloved Skyrim with my two-handed Nord ginger girl. I needed that. I don't know how it all connects together, but I really did feel refreshed after gaming for a few hours. I found out the painful, ridiculous ten step procedure on a console for getting screenshots, which you see here. I will probably be making more Skyrim screenshot posts; I just wish they were better quality. Oh well.
It may be that I need a certain type of creative stimulation. I've never really been one to get "sucked into" TV shows. I enjoy them, but they lack something. And I gave up reading after a very long string of very bad books...I used to read ALL THE TIME so it was pretty disheartening to go through like ten novels of absolute trash and say, finally, "time to move on." These days I don't know if I have the concentration to read--the last book I actually finished was "The Gift of Fear", which is a damn pop psychology book, albeit a FANTASTIC one. But it definitely didn't put any 'spark' in me. Just a fascination for more body language studies.
So, do I read more? Game more? Seclude myself more? Sleep more? What's the secret to a balanced life? I have no idea. Join the linkup.