Currently in June

The drive up to Silver Lake

Sometimes I feel like it's just been forever since I've sat down and wrote about life.  Those are always the entries that I enjoy reading from others, as well as the ones of my own I enjoy going back to look over.  I will attempt to collect my very scatter-brained thoughts. 

New Job
Work is really the biggest thing I have neglected to talk about.  I'll give a bit of an overview.  Essentially I worked for over a year at a company that had a lot of great, and a LOT of terrible.  The good was good but the bad was absolutely insane.  I learned a ton about myself, about being a good EMT, and about how to be more professional at work, which has always been something I've struggled with--I think it's a foster care thing.  The most important thing I learned was that if I'm not doing something I feel is relevant and important I am absolutely miserable.  

I applied for a job back in February or March and was completely blown away when I got an interview.  The company is right on the Great Salt Lake and it's very dangerous, smelly, sweaty plant work.  The position was EMT Security and though I have plenty of experience, I just figured this testosterone-heavy, middle-of-nowhere place with only male officers, wouldn't want a young female with an accent.  Maybe I don't give myself enough credit, but either way I was ecstatic when I got a call back with a firm "maybe" and then maybe a week or so later, a job offer.  

The job wouldn't begin until the end of May, however, and this offer was given to me in April.  So cue a month of me waiting in agony, writhing around at the prospect of actually being somewhere I enjoyed.  I thought of all the things that could go wrong and I even talked about my horrendous drug test experience in a video awhile back.  During this time period instead of killing myself with worry, I decided to look at the fact that these guys, all with 20+ years in safety, the company, and hiring management, picked me.  Even if I failed utterly, they had faith in me and it really meant the world to me.

Me and scenery on the way home from work, and my old boss stacking praise on my new boss's comment

So how's the job? Well, it's everything I ever dreamed of.  It's crazy actually, how great it is and how wonderful the people are.  My supervisor is a very deadpan and direct guy who has never once made me feel like a dumb new person.  The managers have all stopped by to talk to me and most importantly, everything feels so genuine.  I remember specifically sitting down in the hiring manager's office on my first day, after the loooooooooooong fight of actually starting the job.  He asked me how everything was, and he wasn't talking about just work.  I said something to the effect of "Well, I'm just thrilled that my professional life is taking off.  It's all a mess, and my personal life still is, but now I've got this" and his reply was "When one comes, the other usually follows, so hang in there."

Strangely enough this ended up being eerily prophetic, and not just a heartfelt and nice comment.  My personal life has picked up and I've been oddly social (not like me at all.)  I seriously haven't felt this young and outgoing in...well...ever.  I went to a Dutch Oven cookout at work, I got accepted into a pinup contest (that got rained out, oh well!) I took Chase to Black Rock, I got a floating desk for my bedroom and decked it all out into a gorgeous vanity, I of course went and visited Silver Lake for the spring.  And this weekend is already planned out--showing Chase Fallout 4, having a slumber party at the house, going to Lagoon Saturday for our company day....I'm so excited for doing stuff on my days off.  Is that what normal people do? Is this life without a blocked wall of mental illness? Or is it just a summer thing?

To be honest, this is the area of my life that has been suffering.  I haven't written a (meaningful) blog post in forever, I haven't painted, I haven't written.  I can't seem to focus on any of it and when I do have time off, I'm spending it with people instead of at my desk painting.  This makes me sad because I don't feel like myself if I'm not creating.  However I keep telling myself everything ebbs and flows, and hopefully soon I will find my balance.  I have after all, been mostly focused on learning the job and its rhythms.

I've also been thinking about where to go with writing about foster care.  It's been almost three years since I published my e-book, and that was mostly meant to be a quick pocket guide or something prospective foster parents could read in a class.  Now I'm considering something more, but I'm not sure exactly what.  When I released that ebook, I remember it being during a different period for blogging.  The net has changed since then, and as far as blogging goes, not for the better.  I'm not a fan of the shilling posts, of the ads for detergent, or the expressionless posts that are so obviously sponsored.  Also not a fan of Top Ten's or shock value posts--genuine blog writing is on a long downswing so I should be looking elsewhere for an audience.  And that--marketing--is not my forte.  But it's part of how you get people to read what you have to say, so I'll take any advice on that front.

Summer Plans
Derik, my oldest, best, and dearest friend, has a birthday coming up in July and I've finally got the funds and schedule to take him to Las Vegas.  It's something I know he's wanted for ages, but in part due to me running all over the globe and doing god knows what, I wasn't in a position to take him.  Luckily I've done a New Vegas tour before, with Henri, so I know all the places that were awesome and all of the 'meh' spots.  A few winners:  Gordon Ramsay's BurGR, that adorable polar bear Coca Cola guy, Hoover Dam, and going on top of the Stratosphere.  We're also going to do a few things I didn't get a chance to do the first round, like going to the Mob museum and riding the monorail.

It feels really fantastic to be able to take my friend out of his hometown and show him a little bit more of the Mojave.  Not only because we are Fallout fanatics and he will love seeing the real-life counterparts of the game, but also because, goddammit it's LAS VEGAS!! That's the trip of a lifetime for anyone.  It's quite the city.  I would consider living there if I didn't love Salt Lake so much (although to be honest I would only consider it as a temporary spot, for a few years, ain't gonna retire in Vegas, no thanks) but I know Derik will enjoy it and so my excitement to drag him around and make him look at stuff is growing day by day.

I know I harp on a lot about my cat on this blog (he even has his own entry) but I just have to plug him here for a minute and say again what a blessing he has been.  He's older and bigger and far less dependent on me now than he was back in my crumbled mental health crisis, but he still comes when I call, he still purrs and nuzzles me and we still have a very real bond.  Like me not being able to go pee without seeing him stick his paw under the door bond.  Haha.  I know a lot of people have a lot of good to say about how much their kid helps their mental health, or their spouse, but for me? Cat.  I don't have to spill to him about my hard day, I don't have to talk to him about bills or how anxiety feels like crushing yourself with a bookshelf a la Suzanne on OITNB, I just pet his furry little head and all is good for a little while.

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