3.23.2014

I Have Unpopular Opinions, Version 2.

Link to Version 1

I did my unpopular opinions blog back last year and to my great surprise, it was well-received!! So I of course have more controversial things to talk about.  If you're going to read about me on my Internet space you might as well get to hear the juicy gossip right?

If any of my opinions offend you, well, you shouldn't get offended.   I don't say anything aimed at anyone--I'm not vague--so this is just my feelings on particular groups, ideals, lifestyles, and so on.  Also, if you ever want to be candid and post your unpopular opinions LINK ME.  So much better to read than boring blogger fluff.




On Weddings:  If you call me a jaded and bitter old hag on this, I won't blame you.  I'd agree.  At one time in my life I planned a wedding.  And then my beloved aunt died, I suffered severe trauma, and the relationship turned into a violent shitstorm and no wedding happened.  So, just a disclaimer. ANYWAY.  Even before I had that background to be prejudice in, I balked at the idea that some people spend 20,000 TO GET MARRIED.  Know what else is fucking unnecessary? A 10,000 wedding.  Know what else? A 5,000 wedding.  Or even a 1,000 dollar wedding.  A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?!!??!! WHAT???? To me, there are more important things to celebrate.  Why not have a party that huge for when you finally graduate college? Or for when you buy your first house?  Those things are more important than marriage...to me.  And the more I roll over the idea of walking down an aisle in a white dress, while people watch, and give a speech to the person I love in front of others, just really creeps me out.  It seems medieval.  I'm just saying.  You can like weddings.  But there are more important days in your life, I promise.  Don't waste the amount of a car or two years' college tuition for a single day that everyone's going to be groaning about having to attend.  I just find it strange and unimportant and overhyped.


On HAES:  For those of you who don't frequent Tumblr, HAES (Health at Every Size) and "Thin Privilege" are arguments fat activists have about being fat and healthy, and about how thin people have life easier.  Okay, first of all, you cannot weigh 600 pounds and be healthy.  That's a dangerous thing to teach people.  "But I'm 250 and healthy!"  1) Probably not, and 2) Even if you are, health at every size means health at EVERY size.  And no.  Just no.  I applaud those who love imperfect bodies.  I applaud those who care enough to be healthy.  But HAES is a cop-out and obesity is a disease and an epidemic.  Point blank.    They promote distrustment of doctors and while I personally make my own medical decisions as well, changing doctors because a doctor tells me to drop a few pounds if I weigh 400, is again, a dangerous thing to teach. 

And on the concept of thin privilege: I won't lie, thin people probably do have it easier.  I understand that.  I also understand thin does not equal healthy.  What's stupid is the complaining and shit, such as being up in arms about fat people having to pay more for airfare and demanding bigger seats on airplanes.  If you flip that around, you would have a thin person arguing and saying "I should pay LESS since I'm smaller, and I want a smaller seat because my bony butt deserves it!" No.

On Porn: With Tumblr feminism in full swing, porn has been getting a lot of shit on both sides.  It has defenders and naysayers.  I have a bit of a mixed opinion on this so hopefully I manage to offend everybody.  No but seriously.  Here's the bottom line.  Well, there are a few bottom lines.  Here they are.

1.)  Weird kinks are pretty normal.
2.)  People have been watching other people have sex for thousands of years.  Literally.
3.)  I believe that two or more consenting adults can participate in whatever they want.  



That's the thing---a lot of radfems say porn, particularly the violent type, is shameful to women and blahblahgender roles.  I don't think that ANYONE should do something they don't like, I don't think ANYONE should feel bad during their job.  But if a woman or man wants to be involved in it, that is their choice.  Consenting.  Adults.  Bottom line.  I can't tell someone not to get a crocodile tattoo on their face, thus I also cannot tell them to not record themselves in leather ropes gettin' a spankin.'  I refuse to police others like that. 

ON THE OTHER HAND.  I feel that porn can be unhealthy for a few reasons.  For one, it sets certain expectations about sex.  Real sex is nothing like porn, and it bothers me so much that young people think it's supposed to be that way.  No wonder everyone has self esteem problems.  I am also not a sex psychologist or anything, but I feel that it's possible people who watch frequent/weirder/more violent porn might really not do so well with regular sex.  I don't know what the actual scientific verdict on it is, but I reserve the right to say: I don't like the idea of it, and what it does.  I also don't like how sex workers are treated and looked at, though that's society's problem and not the workers.

I don't know, guys.  Sex is a weird thing.  I wish people would realize how weird and awkward it is and not make it out to be the thing they need to conquer, be the best at, have the most of..and so on.



On Video Games/Tech Ruling Our Lives.  Want to make me instantly dislike you?  Say something condescending about your boyfriend/brother/husband being a gamer and how immature it is. 

The fact is, yes, in the beginnings, games were made for kids.  This is 2014.  We have some amazing technology, and games exist that are more immersive than any book could ever be.  They take the best parts of storytelling--visuals, good characters, amazing plots--and they introduce something a book can't.  The magic of choice.  YOU get to decide.  Games are as worthy a pastime as reading, writing, crocheting, or watching shitty tv shows. 



When people, mostly women in my experience, talk shit on how silly it is for people to cry when video game previews are unveiled, for people to spend 30 hours a week sitting in front of a screen--no, fuck you.  You are absolutely wrong.  I'm not saying you have to like video games, but it's time to respect them as a creative art form and stop demeaning the men and women who choose to adore them.

Along with this rant goes the rant about how people say we need to unplug.  I went a year without video games in Sweden, only played a few times here and there at Henri's house, and it didn't change my life or anything substantial.  I don't think there's anything wrong with humans being connected to a constant source of inspiration and knowledge.  I think it does a lot of good for us.  I personally make plenty of time to get outside and get a breath of air, and yes, I do it while carrying my cellphone in case there's something I want to take a photo of, or someone I want to contact, or a song I want to listen to.   You can be a technophobe if you'd like, but I personally believe in technology and all it offers our current generation. 

AND THAT'S ALL OK BYE

17 comments :

  1. "I have a bit of a mixed opinion on this so hopefully I manage to offend everybody." - This might be one of the greatest quotes I have heard in awhile. I also really appreciate your opinion on video games. My fiance likes to play video games and, while I never talked shit on how immature it was, I never really appreciated it as a creative outlet either. This post definitely gave me a different perspective on video games.

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    1. Ahahah I'm so glad someone noticed that little bit....it made me happy to write it. Thanks for reading this!!! I guess your fiance will appreciate your new perspective <3

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  2. I agree with pretty much everything you said. Especially about thin privilege and HAES...I want to write about it, but I don't know how to with out sounding like a bitch. And because I'm 100 lbs, it probably doesn't matter how I write it, I'll sound like a bitch. I like your unpopular opinions. They at least match with mine :)

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    1. You're absolutely right....if a thin person says ANYTHING they're immediately discredited. I guess I get that...but still, a lot of it is just simple science. These days anyone can get their hands on a photo of a cadaver heart surrounded by fat and see how straining that is. I say write about it...I was really hesitant on round one (especially since I dissed feminism) but as it turns out a lot of people agree! Made me feel good.

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  3. I agree with you entirely on weddings. Blah!

    Also on the HAES thing... I (being a large person myself) have trouble with this one. I understand that people want respect at every size-people deserve to be loved and treated like human beings at every size, but you're right-there's no way you're entirely healthy when you weight 300lbs, or 400lbs, etc. Sure, you may not have diabetes, you may not have bad knees or other maladies... YET. I say YET very strongly because you can feel great now (at 20, at 30, at 40, etc.) and healthy even fat, but eventually all of that weight starts to weigh down on you and eventually you're going to have some kind of problem in relation. Bodies just aren't meant to carry that much weight around for so long...

    And I say this as someone who's closer to 300lbs than I am to 200lbs. Yes, I want to be loved for who I am no matter what I look like. Yes, I want to learn to love myself as I am (even fat-which I hate) but I also have a VERY realistic opinion that in order to be healthy and stay healthy I need to do healthier things-which include exercise and eating right-which eventually lead to weight loss. It's just a fact. If I want to prevent diabetes, heart disease, or eventually having to have my knees/hips replaced when I'm older, I'm going to have to get my fat ass (which I say with as much love for myself as I can muster) in gear and fix something. It's not healthy. It may still be beautiful to some people, but it's not healthy.

    I'm honestly glad you said something, because it's been something I've been thinking about for a while now and unsure how to address. It's a hard thing to say.

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    1. Sorry I'm such shit at getting back to you on time! I am a fail in time management lately. Aaanyway I really, really valued this comment something fierce. I am ALL ABOUT respecting fat people, treating them with dignity etc and they really honestly don't get a lot of that. I probably should have gone into that more in the original post, but yeah I totally agree with you.

      And a ton of these HAES bloggers/supporters ARE young, in their 20s and 30's and you are 100 percent on point. It catches up to you. Everything's easier when you're 28. But if you're still weighing that at 48....your life is probably going to be very hard and include a lot of medications/doctor visits/etc. I don't know how often people think about their "future" bodies.

      I feel exactly the same as you. I'm not in the range of 'fit' and I'm not quite in the range of 'fat', at around 200 I guess you can call me curvy or chubby, but it's something I need to change. I KNOW I'm an emotional eater, I KNOW I reach for candy because I was denied it when I was young and I feel like I'm winning a victory or some bullshit. It's shitty of me. And I DO love myself...but I am realistic and recognize that it's time to get in shape.

      So...thank you again for this comment!!! I'm super glad again that we 'bloggy met'.

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  4. Amen on the Wedding thing! SUCH waste of money. Just throw a party already.

    she @ www.shebecameabutterfly.net

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    1. Right? To me, an informal party with friends and music is much better than a lengthy stressful THIS MUST BE THE PERFECT DAY OF YOUR LIFFFFFEEEE

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  5. Haha oh I love your opinions. The ceremony part of our wedding was beautiful for me because it was such a fresh beginning and I needed that. The party after was amazing because it was a celebration for us. But I agree that they're over priced and over done! I loved our sweet and simple wedding.

    I agree about HAES... 400 pounds is not healthy no matter who you are or what you do. 80 pounds isn't either unless you're a child. I do think we should all love our bodies but I don't see anything wrong with working to make them better!

    Porn is whatever to me but I've seen it ruin lives so I know how bad it can be. It doesn't have to be though. I'm not a fan but I don't care if others are.

    And Aaron jokes that he knew he wanted to marry me when I told him I played World of Warcraft with my brother. How's that for awesomely nerdy? :)

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    1. I totally know what you mean about the wedding being a fresh beginning. I'm thinking when I eventually migrate to Sweden I'll have something like that to celebrate Henri and I and our new life. But the difference is I won't be going into debt over it :D lol. Sweet and simple is perfect.

      You are the best kind of awesomely nerdy!!! I think one of my first conversations with Henri was over liking Fallout and he told me later that he was instantly attracted to that :D Nerd couples have so much fun together.

      You'll have to tell me more about porn ruining lives. I have a story involving a mormon friend and porn....so we have to trade tales WHEN I ACTUALLY GO SEE YOU

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  6. I had 2 weddings because his family couldn't attend the first one. On both, we spent less than $500. That includes my dress, his suit, flowers, cake, food, everything. It infuriates me that people think they need to spend that much money on a wedding.

    The HAES thing is just stupid. I'm considered obese and I know I'm not healthy. It shouldn't be HAES, it should be something to the tune of accepting myself at every size. You aren't healthy if you're obese. Like another commenter stated, you may not have a ton of maladies but it's not a matter of if it's a matter of when.

    Porn is porn. I'm with you on the two consenting adults thing. I'm not a fan of rape being called a fantasy though.

    Really enjoyed this post!!

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    1. Wow!!! That's a wedding done right...I might need some tips (link me if you've written them and I don't know about it)

      I'm so glad people are not all over my shit with the HAES thing. I thought for sure it'd be a shitstorm, but I'm thankful others know that being overweight is not healthy. I think I'm actually considered obese as well, I'm just over the healthy BMI....I think for my height it's 25 and I'm at like 31. I'm working on it though, and I'm not deluded in thinking that this is how I look and that's that and I should just accept it and eat what I want. When I see people get like that....it's scary to me.

      I don't even know what to think about rape fantasy. I just can't even wrap my head around it...but that's like I said in the post, I think some "norms" in porn are just not good...even if I don't know the psychology of why they're not good. It's my opinion so I can have it and be stupid about it :D

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  7. Okay here's my problem with video games- my husband and I work opposite shifts and if he wants to play video games the whole entire time I'm at work, fine, you're bonding with your guy friends, you do your missions, blah, blah blah, but when we actually have time together, I'd like to be together. Not watching Netflix in the other room while you go on another mission that at the end of the day has no baring on real life. I'd feel the same way if he spent all his time crocheting except at least with that I could maybe get him to make me a sweater or something.

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    1. What about activities you can both enjoy, together? My guy and I play a video game together, as a fun home-date. Maybe you can both agree to set aside an hour (to start) every time you are off at the same time, to do something together, that you both enjoy?

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  8. I don't follow the HAES thing, but it's just as unrealistic to put an arbitrary number on a scale and label that as healthy. Or overweight. Or obese. We can all agree that if you're 5'6" and weighing over 300 pounds and female, you're probably endangering your heart and joints. But the vast majority of us land somewhere between "skinny" and "obese", and only a doctor (not a number on a scale, not a number of fat rolls, not an opinion from Hollywood) can tell you if you're healthy or not. Want an example of "overweight" and healthy? Check out the women's Olympic athletes, especially wrestling.

    Personally, I love people brave enough to show pics of themselves with their body shape. All I ever saw, growing up, was a few examples of svelte-to-skinny women. And because my body didn't look like that, I thought I was a monster. Just to KNOW other shapes and sizes exist, and I'm not alone in how my body looks, is healthy for my self-acceptance. So I guess I'd say I'm a fan of HAES.

    And you can have a marriage without having a wedding. Just FYI. There's entire communities dedicated to having less-expensive, more personalized weddings (just check out http://offbeatbride.com/)

    And as for porn....I agree, however seeing representations of sex in movies and on TV is just as unrealistic and unhealthy. It's always smooth, with montage of foreplay that makes it seem something that needs very little time or attention, everyone is always serious and sensual, there are no embarrassing noises or sensations, and whatever the guy does is equally as pleasurable for the woman (and at the same pace). Which is just as bullshit as he ball-slapping porn crap.

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  9. Way tardy to the party on commenting, but whatever.

    I used to feel the same way about getting married before I got married, and we kept saying we were doing it for our family, or we'd just go elope. But after the wedding I was SO so happy we did it. It was so special to be around people we totally loved and share the love Vince and I have with everyone. We had a small ceremony (about 50?) in my grandma's backyard, then everyone rode their bikes through downtown to our house for the reception in our front yard. It was so much fun to stop traffic for that! I totally agree that expensive weddings are completely dumb, though. Ours was about $1,200 but it's because everything adds up super quickly! We paid for shoes for the bridesmaids ($40 vans, and I had 4 bridesmaids and my brother) and ties for the guys, I DIYd fabric flowers, bought real fabric for the tablecloths instead of plastic, Vince didn't have any nice clothes so we had to buy a new outfit for him, my dress was only $40 on sale at Penny's, and the biggest cost: food for a BBQ! So everything itself was super inexpensive, but again, it adds up.

    On HAES, YES! When I first started working out I wrote a post about how just because I was skinny didn't mean I was healthy. I felt like a bitch for writing about it (ooo, look at me, I'm skinny and I don't even try!) but it was something I definitely wanted people to think about. And now that I am slender AND fit I feel like I can't talk about weight at all without getting my head chewed off. I have a couple of friend who are morbidly obese and I've heard them say many times, 'I know I need to lose weight, but my doctor says I'm totally healthy! My bloodwork always comes back good!' Um ya, that's maybe because you are 21, but give it a couple years and diabetes, hypertension, sore joints, etc will catch up with you. I can drink soda, eat Snicker's bars, and fast food all day long and have my bloodwork come back as normal, but one day it won't be and it is way harder to get rid of a disease than to prevent it. And there is no way you can feel healthy carrying around and extra couple hundred pounds, it would be exhausting. That being said, I think everyone should still love and appreciate their bodies. I do not think anyone should be shamed for the way they look and think we should all take enough pride in our bodies to actually take care of it.

    As for porn, I don't even know how I feel about it. I don't think it's evil but I know a lot of relationships that have been ruined over it. At the same time, I'm sure there are people who enjoy it together and I just don't know about it. There is definitely a difference between 'regular' porn and violent porn, though, and I feel like at some point it is hard for a person to separate what they are watching from real life and if it's not something their partner enjoys, shit could get crazy or unhappy real fast.

    Video games: Vince just plays football so more often then not I just get sick of hearing the broadcasters! They do make a TON of funny sexual comments though (not intentionally…or maybe so?) like, 'He's going deep for the balls this game. Just watch him go for it, nice and deep!' I played a lot of WoW, Starcraft, etc as a teen so I know the love for those games!

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  10. JESUS MY COMMENT WAS LIKE A BOOK. My apologies.

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