I want to talk about 2014.
First of all I'm very proud of myself. I know what it's like to feel useless, worthless, and all the other 'less's.' When I look back on those times it's like seeing the crests of mountains I've climbed. I remember how hard it was and how defeated I felt. And even sometimes when it felt like I wasn't moving...I was. Because even stopping to catch your proverbial breath is different than going back. Before this, I never would have called myself strong. Stubborn maybe, or "hard to kill" or "too mean to die" but not strong. That's changed. In addition to my self love journey I learned to be proud of the survivor that I am.
When it comes to resolutions, I have more of a list. In fact I need to update that list, which you can find here; some of the items have been crossed off already. So I didn't want to make more listy items, but more of a 'theme' since that worked out so well in 2013. But what? Undoubtedly this year I learned something integral to my own creative spirit which was stopping my self-hatred. Now I can actually harvest from that creative spirit, right? That's why I've decided to make 2014 a year where I hone into my creativity, put together and finish some ideas I have, and branch out into all the areas I love where I've been stagnant for too long.
It goes something like productivity + inspiration + creativity.
I want to be in spaces and places where I feel inspired, I want to pursue activities that don't dull me down. Before, in survival mode, it didn't matter where I was. You can feel suicidal in a cardboard box just as well as a castle. But it's pretty hard to paint, for example, in a box. I want to travel, go places and see things and meet people who make me want to write, paint, maybe even play piano. My low self-esteem has always been the bane to my creativity. I tell myself no, you can't do that, because it's not good enough. Well fuck that, essentially. So yeah, that's my theme for 2014!!! I haven't thought of a catchy name yet, and am totally taking suggestions. Halp me.
And now, a 2013 RECAP!
-I moved to a new country and met a wonderful family whom I love with all my heart.
-I finally learned Swedish! Not that I speak it in front of Swedes...but still...I know it.
-Then I got exiled from Sweden and sent home. Only me. I swear.
-Then I came back!
-Then Madi came!
-Henri and I saw RAMMSTEIN!!! It was AWESOME!!! Front row again, baby.
-I published my first ebook and felt like the biggest badass on earth.
-The Fox Song happened and it was fantastic.
-American Horror Story: Coven happened and it was also fantastic.
-Some guy parodied Miley Cyrus doing Wrecking Ball and it was fantastic as well.
-The Originals, a new show based on TVD, started and guess what? Fantastic.
-I got addicted to Bob's Burgers and it's *whisper* fantastic
-Benedict Cumberbatch became my new lady boner material thanks to his Khan performance.
-Gay marriage became legal in Utah!!! CONGRATULATIONS UTAH!!!!
-Some other good movies: Thor, The Conjuring, and NOT ELYSIUM BECAUSE IT SUCKED.
-I went to Finland!
-I also went to Latvia! Or rather, a Latvian island.
-I got my ass grabbed by a ghost and saw a Swedish forest spirit.
I'm sure I'm forgetting more. But these are the ones that stick out. It's been an amazing year and it's going to end in style. From now until after New Year I will be up north probably snowed in with no food or electricity with a bunch of insane Swedish people. Until then, Happy New Year!