I have forgotten how nice it is to tell random funny stories on my blog as well as the deep dark heavy stuff. Well, you're in luck today, because I keep thinking I need to write this one down. It's such a doozy. I know it's something I'll laugh about for a long time, despite being TOTALLY blindsided and shocked when it happened.
Backstory: We have a neighbor who comes from an abusive past. She's a bit older than me (has two kids and a husband etc) but we hit it off and she invited me to art class. It's important to note that the art classes took place in a church. Everyone here knows I'm an atheist so, no big deal, right? We started going in the spring, took a break for summer, and summer was the time when I was coming off antidepressants and deactivated my Facebook for awhile. Summer came and went and I was looking forward to going back to art class and was even scheduled to teach a few of the classes.
She started acting weird. I had literally no idea what I'd done wrong. I often think that I misread social interactions, which is probably incorrect as I'm really emotionally intelligent, but still, I doubted myself. Was she acting weird? Was I imagining things? Had she seen me naked through the bedroom window accidentally? You know how it is when you see someone naked by accident and you act all avoidy. I couldn't figure it out. I felt like I was being pushed away so I went with that and didn't talk to her.
Then one morning, I saw her in the grocery store and thought to myself, "Enough is fucking enough." I boldly went up to her and said hello, and she rather awkwardly and meekly offered me a ride home in her car. It was on this innocent car ride that she made her move.
Neighbor: I feel betrayed by you, from one abused child to another.
Me: ...errrr.....??? (did she see me naked???)
Neighbor: You do know you deleted me from Facebook?
At this point we're standing outside our houses and I can't stop myself from laughing. That's it? Facebook deletion?
Me: I think you're taking Facebook a little too personally. I deactivated---
Her: No, you need to listen to me. You attacked me on Facebook.
Her: It was with your anti-religious posts. You were speaking specifically to me!
Me: Ohhhh no. nononono. I go on anti-religious rants sometimes (kind of like I do on this blog) but they are NEVER directed at any one person and rather the religious ideals themselves. Definitely not you. (I was still kind of laughing at this point, but I tried to sober up.
Me: I'm sorry if you ever felt that I was attacking you but I can assure you that wasn't my intention. I think you need to take Facebook a little less seriously.
Her: No! You attacked me! You don't know my life! You don't know what struggle I've had to have my faith!
Me: oh boy
Her: You made me feel WORTHLESS!! You made me feel PERSECUTED!!!
LIKE I WAS A JEW
(is she serious?! Is she seriously going to call me this? My brain was making time slow down. I swear I only remember this happening in slow motion)
(she's serious oh god here it comes)
(she's really going to say it!)
Cue the most dumbfounded, flabbergasted, completely blank slate reaction ever from me. I wasn't even mad. How could I be mad?! A SWEDE had just called me a Nazi! In plain daylight! OVER A GODDAMN FACEBOOK POST SHE ASSUMED WAS MEANT FOR HER!!! I just kind of blinked hazily while she whined for a few more minutes. Was that even legal? Swedes don't even look at each other in public much less call each other name MUCH LESS SAY THE N WORD. This is Europe! Who does that?!?!!?
At some point when the fog lifted and she was still sputtering out how mean I was (I think she realized she'd overstepped a huge boundary at this point, she'd lost her fire) I just shook my head and walked inside the house. Her last words were, "Yes, you go and have a think!" and I was like, "You too, the next time you call someone a Nazi." We haven't spoken since.
Like I said, I was pretty horrified and shaken up at the time, because WHO DOES THAT REALLY, but afterward it was pretty funny and now it's a family joke that I'm the resident atheist Nazi. It was a little awkward when we rang her doorbell for Halloween and I'd dressed Cornelius up as the Devil, but that's what us atheist Nazis do.