The Best Tough Decision.
Time to spill my guts for a minute about something I for some reason, have never opened up about on this blog before.
We all know I love Sweden, and most people knew even before I did that my "Christmas visit" was going to be a one-way trip. I hadn't even spilled the beans about getting an au-pair job until after I was here, but it seemed like all my friends and family could sense that I was Sweden bound. I wanted to really experience the culture and land, as a native, not a two-week tourist. I think anyone can fall in love with any place if they're only there a handful of time. But I was convinced I'd love Sweden just as much as I did before.
And I was right...kind of. I love Sweden more than I ever imagined. It is different from America in a lot of ways, but most of them are good things, things that I want in a place to call home. A few examples are the history, the healthier food and water, more tolerance to gays/civil rights, mostly religious-stigma free, and of course the huge benefit of living mere hours away from places like Germany, Russia, Italy, better work hours/wages/vacation time and so on. I miss a lot of things about America, well, Utah in particular, but I feel like it's something that I can handle in the long run if I were to move here permanently.
Which is the entire issue. That's freaking scary. I have the ability and the opportunity to make this last forever. It doesn't have to be a jaunt in another country while working for a family as an au pair. It could be me, becoming a student, doing whatever I'd like thanks to the publicly funded education, and then continuing to pursue my writing dreams while surrounded by so many beautiful and wonderful things and people. But, that also means leaving behind beautiful and wonderful things in America. My family, really. I have so many loved ones spread out all over the country....I have my cats there. This is a tough call.
I know that if and when it comes to it, I can stay or go as I please. My life has been bad luck and shitty parenting, but it's also been a kind of "Where in the World is Alex Worley" deal where I get whisked away all over the place kind of like a secret agent or something. And I also know that the grass is always greener: when I'm in Sweden, I miss Utah. When I'm in Utah, I miss Sweden.
Can't I have my cake and eat it too? What would you do? Also, for those of you living overseas with family in Murrica....how do you deal? Tips to survive?