Rammstein at Bråvalla, 28 June 2013.

This is not the first time I've gone off on a fangirl rant about Rammstein, nor is it the first concert of theirs I've been to.  I was wandering around the town I live in back in wintertime and saw an advert for a pretty popular Swedish music festival, and the word "Rammstein" jumped out at me.

I knew I had to go.  But one major difference this time is that I have a boyfriend who actually wants to do stuff with me.  I asked him if he'd go (despite his relative indifference with the band) and he said yes.  It's the first time anyone's ever gone with me to a concert.

This wasn't a heavy-duty Rammstein concert--this was an outdoor music festival.  It was in Sweden, not in America.  There were some notable similarities and differences in the experience which I will highlight first, in case anyone's interested in how the two compare to each other.

Similarities between the festival and the closed venue concert:

  • I got impregnated from the divine penis of Till Lindemann and will be birthing a savior one day.
  • I screamed so loudly that I broke several eardrums and people around me were staring.
  • Till locked eyes with me and I pissed myself.
  • They put on one hell of an amazing, hypnotizing performance. 
  • People old and young, metal and poin-Dexter, showed up to listen and enjoyed themselves.
  • I was front row like any good doting psycho band stalker groupie wannabe.  
  • Till was perfect, and again inspires me to be the eccentric weirdo I was born as. 
  • We got sprayed with Till-semen from his huge soap rocket thing at the end of the night. 
Differences between the festival and closed venue: 
  • The festival was less "pomp and circumstance" and far more relaxed atmosphere
  • Till was even joking and smiling once or twice.  He also grabbed his crotch a lot more.
  • He also dry humped a lot more things which caused me to moan and cry and scream a lot.
  • The festival was shorter time-wise.  
  • The people at the festival were also more relaxed.  No shoving! No pushing! It was awesome.
  • Since it was Europe, they performed "Buck Dich" and Till mimed sodomizing Flake.  
  • Which by the way, I am pretty sure I came.  And Till's semen smells like licorice, for the record.

We took a train to Norrköping, the town where the festival took place.  From there it was a bus to an airfield and a long walk in urine-mud.  The setup was pretty awesome, though.  Several stages, lots of amusement park rides, and a nice grey overcast day.  We got some churros (Churros in Sweden....that was weird for me) and ate some sandwiches, looking at merchandise and fucking around all afternoon.  I have never done anything with anybody like this, and Henri is the absolute best person to be with.  He makes everything more fun, and I feel so safe and at ease with him.   Plus he's hot.

Henri's favorite turned out to be the infamous "Till cooking Flake" during Mein Teil event--one I'd seen back in Denver, and my favorites were Benzin and Buck Dich.  In Benzin, they brought out a large model gas station tank, (which Till was grinding against and that was one of the times I lost sphincter control) and he set a stage guy on fire using a flamethrower from the gas nozzle.  The stage guy was running around trying to get offstage, but Richard and Olli kept blocking his exit and laughing at him, all while continuing to play.  Buck Dich has a pretty infamous event--Flake reveals he's wearing assless chaps, and he puts on a ball gag and Till flops out a pretty sizeable fake penis and then they mime having anal sex while Till spews gallons and gallons of artificial semen (OR IS IT ARTIFICIAL?? IS IT??? ISSSSSSSS ITTTTTTTTTT) on those lucky enough to be up front.

The thing is, when they did that trick in America back forever ago, Chicago police arrested them for "lewd acts" and Till and Flake spent a night in jail.  This triggered Rammstein vowing to never come back to America, a vow which they stubbornly kept for a decade.  When they did the 2012 tour, it was their first time back since the incident.  And they weren't happy with America anyway.  Maybe it was because this was a festival, but they seemed more comfortable the second time around.  Sidenote--at the end of the night Till said "Tack så mycket" and I almost died a million deaths.  Anyway, you can bet they put away the fake penises and assless chaps for the American tour.  I never thought I'd get to see it in person.  I feel extremely privileged.

It's kind of mindblowing to know that the band I've adored since I was 15, I've "met" twice now, in barely more than a year apart, in two different countries.  Music means a lot to most people, and seeing their favorite band in concert is a treat few of us get to experience unless we're rich bastards with a lot of time on our hands.  I'm not rich, nor a bastard, and I don't have so much time.  I'm very lucky and humbled.  Who knows, maybe I'll see them a third time one day.  Henri was certainly impressed and said he'd love to see them again (BEST BOYFRIEND EVER) but whatever the case, I am thrilled I've had these two opportunities.

(These are photos from the festival, by those with the more professional cameras.)


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