So, when people ask me if I'm afraid of anything, I say no. Car wrecks? Nope. Planes? Oh please, I love flying. Zombies? Scientifically impossible. Ghosts? I think a good ghost story is one of life's greatest pleasures. Spiders? Adore them. Poisonous spiders? Adore them also. Snakes? One of my favorite animals. Dying? Ehhh. It's gonna happen at some point. Now you see what a hardass I am guys?
But the truth is, we all fear losing our loved ones. The only thing that saddens me about my own adventurous nature is the people I rarely get to see. One reason I'm so active on Facebook isn't because I like to promote myself, it's because it's the only way I get to see a lot of these people. The positive side of all this is that I know who really cares about me, because I'm not an "every day" commodity. It's probably insanely difficult to be friends with someone who is always a world away, but some people do it anyway, and I am so grateful to them for that and I would be completely and utterly broken if one of them left me.
I fear losing my cats. I know this may sound silly to people with children, or people who may not bond so forcefully with their animals, but I care more about those creatures than anything on this planet. Even myself. That's right, I'd give up my hopes and dreams to save my cats if I needed too. I'm so lucky that I get to experience Sweden and they are safe and snug at home with my roommate. Does this completely de-closet me as a crazy cat lady? Probably. Do I care? no. A cat/human relationship is a complicated and beautiful thing as any cat lover can testify. It's a bond you can't get with any other animal (though I'm definitely not a dog, or any other animal, hater) and for introverts and independent people like me, a bond with a cat is something to be cherished. And before you ask, yes I Skype with my cats. I see them once a week. I think of them daily.
I don't fear dying in itself, but there are a few things concerning death that make me nervous:
-Dying before I see the parts of the world I want to see, and experience a variety of cultures
-Dying before I ever see my novels published
-Getting old and being alone
-Getting old and being in pain for years before dying
Well, this journal was depressing as fuck, but now you know my weak points. If you hurt one of my friends, I will kill you. If you hurt my cats, I will not only kill you, I'll come after your family and everyone you've ever met and then burn your house for good measure. And with any luck I will get what I want out of life, or at least some of it. That's all any of us could hope for.