To Alex from Sweden.

Dear Alex,

Welcome to 2013.  You had a great year last year, despite some really shitty moments and the horrible time you had on New Years Eve.  That's nice, but bitch you're in Sweden now.  Allow me to show you how life is really lived.  Incidentally on the day I am writing this letter, it's your one month anniversary of arriving.  Congratufuckinglations.

Now, back to the awesome.  Me.  Moose meat and fresh clean water and a government that isn't trying to kill you with toxins and god knows what kind of food additives.  Also, badass amazing public transportation and a culture so rich you might just wet yourself if you dig too deep.  There's also the fact that YOU'RE IN FUCKING SWEDEN DID I MENTION THAT? OH YEAH YOU LIVE HERE.

About that.  You are going to live with the most badass family on the face of the planet, pretty much that whole fantasy family you always wished would come rescue you when you were a kid and didn't want your real shitty family.  Except this family is SWEDISH.  And they are really pretty amazing: a four year old and a two year old who are just about the best kids who ever punched their way out of the womb and into SWEDEN, so you can imagine how great their parents are.  You want more? Okay, great.  How about a super sexy boyfriend you can spend time with in Stockholm on the weekends? Then there's the fact that you can totally hold a conversation in Swedish with a four year old.  Blows your goddamn mind, eh? Also, you've lost 13 pounds this month just from getting your ass outside in the minus 20 centigrade weather, and not eating basketfuls of shit food like you ate in Merica.  How's that?

Then there's the friends you've already made, and the friends you will make, and the friends at home who support you, and the fucking friend who is coming to fucking visit you in the fucking summer!!!!!! In short, to answer your question about "can 2013 really be better than 2012?" FUCK YES IT CAN.

Now, kindly get your ass to sleep.  It is late.

--The Fucking Country of Sverige


  1. BOYFRIEND?! Oh la la!

    So, I might have to make a trip to Sweden and you can show me around. it sounds like a great place to visit and live!

  2. Yeah!!! There's a pic of him in the last post; http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/i395/newmrswelch/IMG203editeidteidt_zps09350807.jpg

    I'm still in shock about it. lol. Aaand um yes you are TOTALLY welcome to come stay anytime!! My family has given me the go-ahead to bring international friends aaand there's an extra bed and everything!!! :D It's super great living here.

    1. don't know what that weird text is about, lol.