So I was spiraling downward in this tornado of 'unknowing' and I still haven't figured it out, but my epiphany was that Alex who chimes in sometimes and reminds me what really matters. I was staring off into space at work, thinking about love and wondering if I will ever really understand it, and how I'm going to adjust my relationships in the future to compensate for this lack of meaning of love, when it dawned on me that I know but that I am to write. I don't believe in an afterlife or destiny and as such struggle for some kind of way to have meaning, both for myself and future generations, as it is a biological want and a personal goal to make a difference. I can't do that by loving others. Or being loved by others. Some people maybe, but that's not my passion or talent or anything. Writing is. Writing has been hard to do lately (is it ever easy though?) but sometimes it's this thing that I have to cling to. And right now it's the thing I should be clinging to, since I am undergoing this period of huge change in my central functions. So while I haven't reached some great epiphany on the understanding of love and whether or not it is real, I still have solid ground to stand on and will as always, get through this with some greater understanding than I had before.
Anyway, I realize now that a central theme in my writings is winter. I never really got this before, because my short stories and well, all of my plots are so different that I couldn't compare them from a writer's perspective. Now I see that at least probably 50 percent of my settings are in some winter environment. This is interesting and exciting to discover. I won't lie, I love the idea of beautiful snow and even cold slushy rain, it really draws the reader into this cozy comfort with the characters if that makes sense. It allows me to have each character to relate to some cold and dark aspect of themselves, which works far better than if they were you know, playing it up at the beach with some sunscreen. I'm wondering if I should post one of my short stories on this blog? Maybe someone will read it and give some feedback. I normally don't share my writings with my blog readers, but there's a first for everything. I digress.
I paint a lot of winter scenes too. That's one of the only things I would paint when I first started back in high school. I've decided that if I can do some research on really colorful and good landscape tattoos, my next piece might be a big winterscape. If you know a place where I can view some good examples of tattoos like this, let me know. Here's my "Am I still Useful?" doodles. You tell me.