4.21.2012

What I'm Painting.

So if you read the entry below this you'll hear how whiny I am.

Whiny and sick and feeling like I want to murder everyone.  I'm so wrapped up in annoyance and frustration over the fact that my novel is dragging that I can't focus on anything else.  Or, at least, I couldn't.

Until I read this entry on one of my favorite blogs, the Nearsighted Owl.  I've been following (read: stalking) Rachele for awhile now, and have always found her blog to be one of the most interesting, enlightening, and honest I've ever read.

I have male tendencies sometimes, in that when someone makes a statement, I take it at face value and I assume that it's always true and never changes.  Despite the fact that I'm always fluctuating and changing.  If someone says "I like my body" I assume that forever, every day, and every moment, they are perfectly happy with their body.  I have no idea why my brain does this, because again my self-confidence is all over the radar and rarely stays the same.  But it's just a weird part of how I am, maybe a reason why I lack connections with people, because usually when someone says "I'm fine" they're not.  I rarely look further once I get an 'I'm fine.'

I digress from the point of this post.  What I really was getting at is that in most of Rachele's posts, she comes across as confident and happy with her body, which is something I truly admire.  I could relate to what she calls "paranoia" and I have the same issues about myself, both inside and outside of the blogosphere, over my very 'devout' (lol) stance on atheism.  I feel like a big misfit, but I will always stand up for how I feel about it and I will always be myself.  But still, sometimes it's disheartening being the weirdo.  Or feeling like you are one, rather.

Anyway, the part that I read that even in my cough-syrup feverish daze made me kind of angry and kind of sad was the simple sentence: "I will probably never be the ModCloth Blogger of the Moment and nobody is going to draw my portrait or mold me out of paper or clay."  Despite being pretty much just an online stalker, this made me sad because I think Rachele is beautiful! And I love reading her writing.  And goddammit, I decided I would paint her portrait right then and there.

Either determination, or large doses of narcotics, worked in my favor:




I was so focused....

determined

drugged up....that I didn't really take pictures at good intervals.  I also am not used to painting skin tones, or glasses...this may look amateurish. Oh, and I was SO PARANOID I'd put her nose ring in an "off" position. So even when my nerves are numbed by antibodies coursing through my system, I am apparently still a perfectionist and neurotic.  Don't know how to feel about this.

Anyway, I love you Rachele!!! You've been inspiring me for months now.  I love your blog and I hope you like the picture!











20 comments :

  1. This is BEAUTIFUL! You are very talented and Rachele is one hell of a gal!
    ♡ Brooke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!!! I'm glad you like it. And yes, Rachele is simply amazing.

      I'm glad you found my comment/blog/whatever happened....I'm following you now, and LOVING your blog design and your picture-an-hour post. If I can remember to do that, I sure will do it soon!

      Delete
  2. Wow! That painting is amazing! You are seriously talented!
    Found your blog on Vintage Wanna Bee. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh oh I LOVE your blog and especially your picture. You are breathtaking!!! Thank you for the compliment. :)

      Delete
  3. Thank you Patricia! You are a total sweetheart and you really made my day. Yay, my first portrait! Thank you listening to me whine about my insecurities and doing something to make feel better. I love how you did my new red hair! Fuck yeah redheads!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D I'm glad I made your day! And fuck yes red hair is the BEST.
      If you want me to, I can mail you the original painting! Just email me your address. :)

      Delete
  4. I love your picture Patricia - that was my first instinct too - to draw her a portrait. But you beat me to the punchline there. Maybe I will do one anyway and post it asap.

    Also, your blog is cool - I am now a follower!!

    Sarah
    http://acatlikecuriosity.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sarah!! Well, being home alone, and sick and unproductive, it wasn't hard to convince myself to pull out a piece of acrylic paper and get to it. haha. I say do it!! She was an amazing subject to paint :D

      I'm glad you like my blog. I get impatient with how it looks sometimes, haha. But I love your blog as well. I'm so glad you found me. I've never met anyone else who writes and paints. I'm actually kind of thrilled to know I'm not the only one.

      Delete
  5. Wow, this is stunning and so super sweet of you! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. New follower alert! : ) Rachele shared this post on her FB and I'm so glad she did! Otherwise I may not have found your blog. Your portrait is breathtakingly beautiful. You really captured her look. Rachele is indeed quite the gal isn't she? Now I need to have a look around your blog!

    Jenna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. -happy flail- thank you for following!! I had no idea it was posted on Facebook but that does explain the huge pageview jump LOL!!! I woke up to like a billion notifications, like "whaaa???" hahahah!

      I'm glad you like my picture!! I'm so flattered. I was so drugged up on cough syrup I could've painted a bird eating corn and not have known the difference. By the way your blog, and you, are both totally adorable!! New follower :D

      Delete
    2. Now a bird eating corn is also a painting I would like to see :p

      I hope you're feeling better or not because if you knock out paintings like that on cough syrup then I suppose it could be worse to be drugged up on it. Just kidding...kinda :)

      Delete
  7. Your painting is beautiful! I've always wished I could draw or paint but no matter how many times I've tried I just can't make the pencils or brushes do what I want.

    I also love what you say about atheism. I sometimes feel like a misfit blogger because I never mention God or religion on my blog. Mostly because I'm a big fat "I don't know" on the whole subject. I don't feel like my life is missing something because I don't talk about Jesus or go to church. I sometimes feel like writing a post about my feelings on the subject but since they change so often I feel like as soon as I wrote it I'd be eating my words, so to speak.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you like it!!! I have to admit I was surprised it came out as well as it did considering the meds I was on. LOL.

      Us atheists are huge fans of the "I don't know" crowd. But watch out, we like to "convert" the same way Christians do HAHAH! I never talk about religion unless someone earnestly wants to though, so you won't find me being an atheist missionary.

      I know what you mean about changing feelings. I read some of my old entries on other blogs and I'm like "how did I feel that way? seriously? what was wrong with me?!" but I've just decided that nothing, nothing about me or anyone, is constant, and is always changing and fluctuating, hopefully for the better, hopefully improving, so you just have to kind of go with it. :)

      But I say if you feel strongly about something, write about it. If it's not something that affects you, or an issue you're apathetic on, no need! Which might explain my array of dramatic and whiny posts. teeheeheheee??? LOL

      Delete
  8. Stopping by from the Sunday Homepage Blog Hop! http://queenofsavings.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. OMG!! AMAZING!!! I love Rachele! She's really helped me with her blogs about body image and such lovely things like that. :) That's a WONDERFUL painting! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you like it!!!! I'm shocked I didn't draw a psychedelic experience with all the medication I was taking BAHAHAH!

      Rachele is totally amazing. When I saw that blog post I knew I had to do something. Luckily I (seem to) have some ability with paint! lol.

      Delete
  10. This turned out great, and I love reading about what triggered you to start the painting. Awesome :D

    x

    Marielle

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ohhh I LOVE it!! and such a perfect model! Love her to bits! Truly inspiring! :)

    Glad I found your blog! :)

    Love from the NJ Shore.
    xo Jenny Holiday

    ReplyDelete