Love that just didn't work out.

Too much information here, but once a month, my body swells with retained water, my uterus prepares to violently expel its cushy little sofa of blood and tissue meant to prepare a zygote which never arrives, and dysmenorrhea (read: cramps) manifest: constant, and agonizing.  During this period (see what I did there?) I usually curl up in the fetal position and watch a lot of Disney movies.  Mostly exclusively Disney movies.  I can always tell when I'm a few days away from that special time in a woman's month, when I suddenly HAVE to see Gaston, Ariel, Radcliffe, Meeko, Mrs. Potts, and the gang.  And today when I was watching the extravagant finale of Pocahontas, it turned my ever-working brain to an interesting topic.  Love...but not just regular old love, but love that never seems to happen.  Or happens, and never works out.

(seriously Disney....wtf happened to you?)

This was particularly interesting to me, thanks to the novel I'm writing.  Honestly, the 'superhero' aspect is requiring my full attention right now, and I haven't had the time to sit down and figure out how the two main characters' love is going to resolve itself at the ending. As this is the first book in the trilogy I'm not really worried about it.  I always know what to do when the time comes.  But I am primarily a writer of tragedy, and to me, the best love stories are the ones that end sadly.  

That may be morbid, but it's true.  And to open my heart here and be really honest: I think that's how my life is destined to go and why I cling to stories of tragic love.  I thought marriage would change how I felt, but it hasn't.  I just feel in my heart of hearts that with me being who I am--and other deep-seated and unnamed factors that I'm just too exhausted to rant about--that I will always be alone at the end of the day.  Even if I do end up having children one day, I will still be alone.  I used to be part of a huge family with over twenty children and a group of people whose bonds transcended friendship, and I was still utterly alone.  This bothers me on and off in different amounts at different times, depending on my mood, but it's probably also the reason I prefer and can better relate to films like Pocahontas which end on a really tragic note.

That was me saying Pocahontas II was a mistake, by the way.  Disney films, like most rock songs of the 70's, really needed to get a grip on when to stop.  There's a proper time to end.  And Pocahontas III wasn't it.

MOVING ON.....I decided to highlight several of my favorite "tragic" love stories:

Jack and Rose--Titanic 

"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.  But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson, and that he saved me.  In every way that a person can be saved."

I couldn't believe the grand love story that I'd missed when I was a kid.  When you're 12 all you really want to do is cry over the ship sinking.  But as a woman re-watching this movie, I feel so strongly about the bond between Jack and Rose (and between Leo and Kate in general) and it really affects me.  And as much as I love Rose's character and the amazing change that love brought about in her life, I feel more like Jack.  (lol *drowns in Atlantic* god I'm so morbid, does anyone read this shit?)   Jack has had it rough, but he somehow still manages to get out and see the world, and he has a lot of appreciation for it and can, albeit uncomfortably, fit in with different crowds due to his intelligence.  He also loves very passionately and tries to persuade the people he cares about to share his enthusiasm for life.  He's not only a poor kid and a traveler, he's also an artist.  I don't have Leo's boyish charm, but otherwise we are twins.  Still, even though I am the female Jack...I would've pushed a little harder to get on that flotsam at the end.

Spock and Leila--This Side of Paradise (TOS)

"I love you---I CAN love you!" --Spock

Oops, my nerd is showing.  Let me just tell you though; this story is one I can relate to so personally it's a tragedy in itself.  In this awesome episode, The Enterprise crew beams down on a planet for Spock to find that a woman he met six years ago--Leila--is working as a botanist there.  Her attraction to him is obvious, but when plant spores infect the Vulcan and lower his inhibitions about emotion and showing and feeling things like love, he now has the ability to do what he never could before---both tell and show this woman that he loves her.  

The spores don't brainwash or otherwise change Spock; his deep-seated emotions have always been there. But with the help from the plant he's able to embrace love and for a period, everything is all sunshine and rainbows and sexy parties.  But Kirk, at risk of losing his whole crew, finds out a way to end the effect of the spores: heavy negative emotion such as anger.  So he basically taunts Spock until Spock punches the wall and tries to kill him---and just like that, the euphoria of being able to feel is gone.  Spock is back to normal.  

Instead of explaining how this tragedy ends, I'll just show you the ending of the episode.  It seriously makes me cry, again because I can relate to it better than anyone could ever possibly understand.  Not only that but the acting is superb, especially on Nimoy's part.  He always shocks and amazes me with his ability to suppress emotion and let it still shine through brighter than a beacon.  Enjoy: 

Link and Midna--LOZ: Twilight Princess

"Am I so beautiful that you've no words left?"

I hope no one doubts me again when I say "nerdy". To be fair, I have a picture of my Zelda tattoo on my "about me" page, and one of my cats is named Midna after this character.  You were warned. Anyway. The short version of the story: the hero, Link, has to work with a devilish imp named Midna to save the world from evil.  Midna has her own prerogative and is not interested in anything but herself, but likewise needs Link.  She's a very headstrong, impatient, bossy character whose trauma evolves from the fact that due to the evil in her land, she's stuck in this "impish" form.  Despite her huge ego and 24-7 nagging at Link to do better, the two become an amazing team and best friends, by the end of the story.

When it becomes clear that there's no other way, Midna sacrifices herself and unveils that she has the most power of anyone fighting these dark forces.  Link is traumatized by the loss, until he realizes that by some mysterious power (likely the goddesses, which the game is known for) that she's been given life again.  When Link rushes across the field to greet his friend, he stops in shock when Midna stands up, her true form revealed.  With the darkness gone, she appears as she really looks: the Twilight Princess.

image credit: aliceazzo on deviantArt

Midna, unfortunately, doesn't belong to the same dimension as Link, but has a mirror to travel between the worlds of Light and Dark.  When she departs, she famously says, "Link....I.......see you later," before crystallizing a tear and disappearing to her own realm.  The moment she leaves, the mirror shatters into a billion places, thanks to her crystallized tear.  And that was the end.

And last but not least:
(and no words do this story justice so I won't try)


  1. I like your love stories of choice. I wish I were more girly, and liked love stories in general, though. Give me action or horror or documentaries, but PLEASE take those sappy movies and hide them in the ground where I can't see them. As for your predictions of a tragic life, maybe you're right. Perhaps that's how everything will turn out. But, you're still young and evolving and life surprises us sometimes.


    1. hahahaha don't worry, I get you--I love the weirdest movies, and I am always disappointed when a horror movie doesn't scare me (which is really often.) And documentaries? pffff. It's bad. Action I'm a little pickier with, but I will watch AN.EYYY.THINNNGG. with Bruce Willis in it.

      And true, I get ahead of myself because for me one year feels like twenty, but that is a very hopeful way of looking at it that I need to implement!

  2. I felt the same way re-watching Titanic. I think I sobbed more seeing it as an adult, than I did as a kid. And curling up to Disney movies is perfection...even if some of the stories are tragic. =)

    Happy Sunday, dear!

    Keep Shining,

  3. Hi Patricia, I'm so glad I found your super creative blog. I feel your pain when it comes to your "visitor" your period. Mine is the same way. I can promise you this that it does get better as you get older. i read your "about me" page and it tore my heart. I can also relate to the pain you felt growing up as a teen in the Foster Care system. I was there too. not fun! I so wish you had had better foster parents. That's one of the reasons why my hubby and I foster we want to make a difference. You can read Kent's story through his ink work here. I think you will like it. :) http://www.findyoursparkle2.com/

  4. Oh my gosh, Titanic, I remember crying all the way home after seeing it when it came out! I couldn't believe he had to die! And it still touches me!
    LOVE Edward Scissorhands! Always have, always will!

  5. I love the tragic love story too. Really, I just love an HONEST love story and happy ever after is the biggest lie there is.